We're Not Really Strangers (Warning: Feelings May Arise)

What’s the worst pain you’ve been in that wasn’t physical?

What is your father’s name and one thing about him?

What about me is hardest to understand?

How are you, really?

These are just a few of the questions that make up the hard-hitting card game We’re Not Really Strangers, designed to empower meaningful human connection through the power of vulnerability and deep conversation. Created in 2018 by 25-year-old entrepreneur Koreen Odiney, the game has a simple premise: players draw a card and read aloud the question or prompt printed upon it. The cards are split into three “levels,” based on how deeply each one asks players to dig into parts of themselves— parts that they might not usually find themselves sharing.

Level 1: Perception (What about me is most strange or unfamiliar? Where do you think I grew up? On a scale of 1 to 10, how messy do you think my car is?) asks players to voice their perceptions and first impressions of each other through more surface-level prompts.

Level 2: Connection (Are you lying to yourself about anything? Which one of your parent’s personality traits do you want to keep / let go of? When was the last time you cried?) prompts thoughtful discussion driven by the vulnerability required to answer these penetrating and rarely-asked questions. This level digs a bit deeper, and it’s in these questions that players learn the most about each others’ lived experiences and viewpoints.

Level 3: Reflection (What do you think our most important similarities are? What do I need to hear right now? What has our conversation taught you about yourself?) asks players to, well, reflect on the conversation that has been had and how their perceptions of each other have changed.

The game ends with a final card that asks players to write a handwritten note to each other, only to be opened once they’ve parted ways.

The first time I played WNRS was with a group of my high school friends. We had snuck out early in the morning to watch the sun rise at the beach. Huddled together under blankets on the sand, we played WNRS and learned more about one another and our relationships with our families, deepest fears and regrets, and impressions of each other than we had in the 4+ years of being friends. After that morning and after realizing how good it felt to share those pieces of ourselves with each other, it felt as if a door had opened, inviting that kind of vulnerable and raw dialogue to be a fundamental part of our friendship going forward. The game has meant a lot to me ever since, and has become a bit of a back-pocket trick of mine when it comes to strengthening bonds and truly connecting with others, from new friends to people I’ve known for years. 

Where We’re Not Really Strangers differentiates itself from the traditional conversation-starter icebreaker question cards, or other card-based party games such as Cards Against Humanity or For the Girls, through understanding and realizing our desire as human beings to truly connect— to see each other and feel seen in the process. Despite this fundamental fact, rarely in social settings do the right conditions arise for us to share these moments of vulnerability with each other in a way that feels natural. What WNRS does is provide the opportunity for us to have those conversations that dip below the familiar surface-level exchanges, and into the hard-to-reach topics that reveal the most about ourselves and the things that connect us on the most basic level. For me and my friends, it’s things like our shared desire to get out of our hometown, the occasional feeling of being so small in a world that can be so big and unforgiving, and the fear we all have of letting our parents down.

Outside of the cards themselves, WNRS also does something different in terms of its branding and outreach. The unique social media and internet presence of We’re Not Really Strangers doesn’t focus on marketing the actual products themselves. Instead, they revolve around publishing content relating to the themes of introspection, vulnerability, and human connection— the game’s core values. On Instagram and TikTok, the WNRS accounts have gained popularity for their content that creatively reveals short messages, words of encouragement, and introspective questions that pack a huge punch, for example: a sign hanging from a freeway overpass that writes “stop trying to make it what it was. let it be what it is”, lipstick on a bathroom wall that spells out “are you healed or just trying not to think about it?”, the back of someone’s sweatshirt walking down the sidewalk that says “your anxiety is lying to you”.

The success of the game can tell us something about the kind of things our generation craves in an increasingly digital, yet disconnected world: our desire to form more meaningful and sincere connections with the people around us— which can only be achieved by a certain level of authenticity in our interactions both in person and online. And it can definitely be an uncomfortable process to get there. After all, vulnerability is hard, and it’s scary. But what WNRS teaches us is that it’s also important for truly getting to know each other— and ourselves.