My Brother Got a Girlfriend

The title is true. My older brother, the most gruff, grimey creature to ever walk this earth, somehow landed a girlfriend. I’m kidding about the grimey thing by the way, Ryan, if you’re reading this (which you probably won’t).

My brother, Ryan, and I have what I would call a stereotypical older-brother-younger-sister relationship – I say I like his shirt, he grumbles, I ask if he wants to go shopping with me, he calls me frivolous. To make matters worse, it’s just the two of us, and he decided to ABANDON my family. I’m kidding again – he graduated college and accepted a job in Nashville, far far away from our childhood home in New Jersey. Super proud of you by the way, Ryan!! As you likely can tell, I offer my brother unwavering support and pride as his younger sister, despite his arguable undeservedness of my unconditional love. He may be curmudgeonly, but I know somewhere deep down in that black heart of his, he loves me too.

My brother is three years older than me, so he graduated college as I finished my freshman year. He was in college while I was in high school, so I’ve been used to him being far away and to our different experiences adding to the physical distance and his depiction of me as a burdensome little sister. Something about me being in college too changed that dynamic. I think he finally viewed me as somewhat closer to his equal.

And then, his move to the musical city of Nashville. Though I was disappointed that my brother was moving out of our home, leaving my parents now certified empty nesters, his decision turned out to be one of the best things for our relationship. He even calls me sometimes without me prompting– I know, crazy, right?!

His moving away is, as a matter of fact, the second best development that’s ever happened for our relationship. And here’s where the big bang happens: THE GIRLFRIEND! My brother has had flings in the past, but none too memorable for me. When he moved to Nashville, we speculated that he’d eventually find a sweet, Southern-belle who would soften his negative side. He didn’t.

Instead, he found Cait (even better!). Cait is my brother’s new girlfriend, and I could tell I would connect with her right off the bat. She is from South Africa, which not only provides her with the coolest accent, but also with the ability to spark curiosity and excitement in my brother that I have never seen before. And how is this positive for me, you might be wondering? Cait somehow managed to crack my brother’s incredibly resilient shell in a way that has shown him that opening up, accepting love from the people who want to give it to you, is actually really rewarding. I do not know what magic she conjured, honestly, because I have been trying for the last nineteen years of my coexistence with my brother, but I am deeply indebted to her.

My family has a huge Thanksgiving celebration, and my brother decided to bring Cait this year. Though I had talked with her many times on the phone prior to the event, this was my first time meeting her in person, and our conversations blew away my expectations. She is charismatic, friendly, and was interested in getting to know me (which is an absolute necessity, when my brother gets a girlfriend, she has to become my best friend too!!).

To my surprise, my brother actually smiled (I KNOW, WOW!) for the ENTIRETY of our Thanksgiving celebrations. For context, he normally sits crankily for an hour and retreats to his room after the eating has concluded. I think the rest of my extended family was just as shocked as I was. And whether I give full credit to Cait, or maybe just the friendlier-nature of Nashville, I still haven’t decided, but as I talked with her about gifts for my brother for Christmas, I couldn’t help but be content. Both for him, for finding someone who can tolerate him, and for myself, because seeing someone who cares about him as much as Cait does has made him realize that I’m not so hopeless for caring about him too.

Though until now this has been a bit of a sob story about the perils of being a younger sister, I suspect many people can relate to my story. So, please, tell me if you do.

My closest friends from high school all happen to have older brothers, with the same age gap as me and mine. When we would do our after-school debriefs each day, our frustrations with our brothers sounded scarily similar. Similar, but in a way, comforting, because our shared experiences made each of us feel seen and understand that older brothers are just so incredibly jealous of their super-cool younger sisters that they cannot express any other emotion except hatred. I’m kidding, again. Not about the feeling seen part. But having confirmation from friends, TV shows, movies, TikToks – you name it – that that is one way older-brother-younger-sister relationships normally look, is incredibly reassuring in a way that’s inexplicable to anyone other than those sisters who suffer the wrath of an older brother.

When I cried over how badly I just wanted to have a close relationship with my brother in the past, people often advised me, “It will get better, just give it time.” I waited, and waited, and waited for that day to come, and I think the moment finally has (knock on wood).

Does being loved make you your best version of yourself? I can’t say for sure, but in my brother’s case I think it has. That’s not to take away from the love he has had from my parents his entire life. What I mean is being loved in that way, by an outsider, loved by choice, (not just family who will love you no matter what) may just be what inspires some to recognize the love they have for themselves. I usually analyze my brother’s pessimism toward me not as personal, but as an ode to the fact that he couldn’t truly accept love because he had never felt deserving of it. If Cait is what he needed to demonstrate to him that he deserves to be loved, to be appreciated, I am truly elated for him. I am glad that he understands now that he is an extraordinary person, a protective brother, a caring son, and should open himself up to showing everyone how much he deserves to be loved.

By the way Cait, if you’re reading this (I hope you are!), please come back for Thanksgiving again next year.