DAGGERS & DICES: MILK-WHITE
Daggers & Dices is set in a slightly anachronistic fantasy world that reflects our own. It follows Marko, an Elven swordsman, as he navigates this world as a mercenary of sorts. He is accompanied by Tia, a human Cleric who is passionate about progressive magic, and Thyrim, a barbaric mountain dwarf who prides himself on traditional values, and a couple others. Together, they embark on adventures that challenge their bonds and teach valuable lessons about the society they live in.
Scene 1
EXT. PISSNEY THEATRE – DAY
MARKO, TIA, and THYRIM approach the Pissney Theatre, which is a massive stage in the open area. Rows of chairs are set up in front of the stage. The party reaches the front row of seats.
MARKO
Did you guys see that giant mouse at the front of the thea-
IGOR pops out of nowhere and stands in front of the group. He is a middle-aged human man with a handlebar mustache and fancy coat, and speaks in a 1940s Mid Atlantic-esque accent.
IGOR
(Charming) Hey there, folks! Welcome to the heart of the Pissney Theatre Company! (He gestures towards a nearby row) Come, have a seat.
Marko takes a seat in the front row. Tia and Thyrim both sit next to him on Marko’s sides. As his guests seat themselves, Igor remains standing.
IGOR
I am Igor Kefnedi, head of this talented troupe. I take it you lot are the mercenaries I hired?
MARKO
Yeah, we heard you wanted us to prevent an assassination?
IGOR
(Smiles) Why yes, dear boy. One of my actors is under peril from a vile threat.
IGOR claps twice. RACHOT, a warm-skinned Satyr female, approaches them. She wears a blue and yellow dress with red highlights.
IGOR (cont’d)
(Gestures towards Rachot) This is Rachot Zevler, leading lady for the remake of our classic play, “Milk White”.
TIA
Oh I heard about that! (Holds her hand out to shake) It’s an honor to meet you, Ms. Zevler. I admire your work.
RACHOT
(Smiles and shakes Tia’s hand) Happy to meet a fan.
MARKO
Aren’t you the chick from that “Younger Games” play?
RACHOT
Yes. I was also in “East Side Tale” and “Shajam”.
THYRIM
(Scoffs) All of ‘em shittier than an overstocked countryside stable.
Everyone looks over at Thyrim. He stares down Rachot.
THYRIM (cont’d)
Yeah I know who ya are. Yer the one bastardizing a classic Grimm story with yer demonic, “woke” sorcery!
TIA
Thyrim, knock it off.
THYRIM (cont’d)
I was there when “Milk White” first came to the stage. Try all ya want, but ya ain’t my Milk White.
RACHOT
“Your” Milk White? (Scoffs) You mean the one that falls for the prince and goes after “true love”? No, my Milk White’s going to be to be the leader she knows she can b-
THYRIM
Oh, come off it!
TIA
Thyrim, shut the hell up. You’re just mad this remake isn’t as problematic as the original.
RACHOT
Exactly, we’re improving on the original play. I mean, it was weird how it focused on this stalker love story and made it about the guy.
THYRIM
Of course it was! The prince serves a vital role in preserving the story’s traditional values!
MARKO
(To Rachot) Wait, so did you think this when the play first came out or is this a recent thing?
RACHOT
Well, more of a recent thing. I actually didn’t see the original “Milk White”, I just read it for the remake we’re doing.
THYRIM
(Points his finger at Rachot) Ah-ha! Yer not even a true admirer of “Milk White”! Just a charlatan trying to capitalize on the original, ain’t ya?
RACHOT
(Flustered) I- well at least I’m the first Satyr princess in Pissney history!
THYRIM
While replacing a classic human Pissney princess along the way.
TIA
Zevler’s casting was for the better. We already have enough human princes-
THYRIM
No! It’s in the name! Milk White! She’s supposed to be a human woman with MILK-white skin! Is that not obvious?
TIA
The role can be played by anyone. It’s important for this remake to promote diversity.
MARKO
Now that I think about it, weren’t there dwarves in “Milk White”?
Thyrim raises his eyebrow.
IGOR
Oh yeah, I’m just having a bunch of humans play them.
THYRIM
(Agitated) What?!
IGOR
(Shrugs) It seems kinda backwards to have real dwarves play them, ain’t it? So I figured the cheap- I mean,...the respectful approach would be cutting them out of the remake altogether.
THYRIM
(Seething) You spawns of bastards! I won’t stand for this blatant mockery anymore! (He pulls out a giant maul, a two-handed sledgehammer)
Before Thyrim can swing the maul at Igor, Marko gets between them.
MARKO
Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop! This has gotten too far out of hand! (To Igor) So who’s trying to assassinate Zevler?
IGOR
Well, your little friend over there isn’t the only one dissatisfied with our “Milk White” remake. (Thyrim grimaces) There’s one gal intent on ruining Rachot and our “Milk White” play. (Glances over to the left, where something catches his attention) Speak of the devil.
Everyone in the direction Igor’s turned to. BUETT, a young human woman, stands atop a smaller stage before a crowd of people. She wears a light blue dress.
BUETT
Welcome back to the Pitchfork Crowd, I’m Buett Koober. Today I wanna announce I’ll be playing Milk White in Bent-K’s new version of the original Pissney play! Y’know, this is a dream come true, I’ve been reading Grimm’s stories since-
As Buett continues speaking to the crowd, Igor turns back towards the group.
IGOR
You see?
MARKO
Isn’t that the girl who looks like Bin Shakiro?
IGOR
Yes, which is exactly why you should take her out.
MARKO
She looks harmless. You sure she’s trying to kill Zevler?
IGOR
Kill her reputation, certainly! The people are already dragging her through the mud ten times over! Worse, if Bent-K’s “Milk White” gets a big enough crowd, we’re a joke dear boy! One more ticket sale drop and we’ll have to cancel some Marbel projects!
MARKO
(Blinks twice) S-so her life’s not in any danger?
IGOR
Nothing immediate, no.
Marko facepalms and sighs. He glances away for a moment before collecting himself.
MARKO
At this point, it’s not worth it anymore. (To Tia and Thyrim) Let’s go.
Marko, Tia, and Thyrim all leave the theatre.
END.
