Genesis 1:1
Scene 1
INT. or EXT. (Who knows?) HEAVEN.
GOD and his angels are creating the world. They sit amongst the clouds looking down on the empty ocean and land.
ANGEL
Okay, so the moon will replace the sun then?
GOD
Yeah, but just for like 10 hours.
ANGEL
Okay… (He makes a note of that) So sometimes the moon is up at the same time as the sun, and sometimes they’re separate.
GOD
Yeah, I dunno. Let’s just fuck around and have them both up sometimes.
ANGEL
Okay! And what would you like it to be called when it’s just the moon?
GOD
Hmmm. Good question. Maybe Nirt?
ANGEL
Nirt. Hmmm. It sounds a little like that animal you liked from earlier, newt?
GOD
(Pauses) Which one was that again?
ANGEL
(Flipping back through his notes to check, then reading from them) “Newts are small creatures that are semi-aquatic and semi-terrestiral.” Here I can pull one up.
The angel snaps his fingers and a newt appears in his palm.
GOD
(Confused) I thought that was a salad-mander.
ANGEL
You mean salamander?
GOD
Yeah that’s what I said.
ANGEL
You said salad-mander.
GOD
I thought salad was what we were calling a bunch of leaves put together for the humans to eat.
ANGEL
Yes. So “salamander” is different.
GOD
I’m not sure where the confusion is here.
ANGEL
It’s just that you said salad-mander.
GOD
Can we just move on please?
ANGEL
Yes, sorry sir. All I was trying to say is that nirt sounds a little too close to newt.
GOD
(GOD sighs and pauses to think) How about night?
ANGEL
I like it!
GOD
(Imagining) It was a dark and stormy night… Yeah that sounds good! Let’s call it night.
ANGEL
Okay great! (He writes it down) So just to clarify, sir, this is different from the night we already had?
GOD
What do you mean?
ANGEL
Well, um, earlier, you said you wanted to call it a night when a human was wearing metal clothes and fighting other humans.
GOD
Oh, yes, that’s fine.
ANGEL
(Hesitantly) Okay…
GOD
Is there a problem with that?
ANGEL
Well, no sir. It’s just that you said you didn’t want to make the humans too smart, so I’m worried it might be a little confusing for them if both are called night.
GOD
Hm. That’s a good point. Like if one of them said, “Look, a beautiful night!” it could be confusing. Because maybe they’re talking about the evening and maybe they're talking about the soldier.
ANGEL
Uh, yeah. I guess.
GOD
And then the soldier wouldn’t know if they should accept the compliment or say nothing, and the night wouldn’t know if it should just twinkle its stars romantically or just be still.
ANGEL
Yeah…
GOD
How about we spell one differently?
ANGEL
Okay! Like the soldier can be spelled n-i-t-e?
GOD
No, no, no, don’t be ridiculous. We’ll just add a “k.”
ANGEL
A “K” sir?
GOD
Yeah. Just throw one in there somewhere.
ANGEL
(Writing in his notepad) Okay… So like “Nikght” (pronounced like Niked)?
GOD
No, no, no, no. Just add a k.
ANGEL
That’s what I’m doing sir.
GOD
Just add it at the beginning, but you don’t need to pronounce it.
ANGEL
Okay so (he clears his throat and overpronounces the “n) KNight.
GOD
Yes, yes, yes, exactly. Knight.
ANGEL
Okay. And you don’t think that will be confusing for the humans?
GOD
Of course not! Silent letters are easy.
ANGEL
Okay. And what would you like to call it when the sun is out but not the moon?
GOD
(Sighs and stands up). You know what, let’s call it a day.
ANGEL
(Scribbling in his notebook) Okay, “day” got it.
GOD
No, I said let’s call it a day.
ANGEL
Yes, “day” got it.
GOD
No, I just mean, like, let’s call it a day for today.
ANGEL
Oh okay. So tomorrow we might call it something else?
GOD
No, I - (he pauses and sighs). Day is fine. We can call it a day.
ANGEL
Okay, wonderful! And what would you like to create next? Maybe a cure for disease?
GOD
No, no, I’m too tired. Let’s do that tomorrow.
ANGEL
Ahhhh. (He writes in his note book as he speaks) “To-mo-rrow” that’s a fun one…
He trails off and the lights fade.
THE END.
