The Body Is Not An Apology
The Body Is Not an Apology is a book written by Sonya Renee Taylor. She describes the book as a tool towards expanding “the power of radical self-love.” This book is a radical approach to understanding how cultural, social, and familial structures have shaped the experiences and existence of our bodies in the world. Taylor groundbreakingly and intricately breaks down the history, sociology, and cultural understanding that comes with our relationship with our bodies and with the world around us. She reconceptualizes movements like body positivity, color neutrality, homophobia and ableism amongst others. She shows us the challenges that come with questioning our beliefs and why we tend to be uncomfortable with the things that make us uncomfortable.
In order to honor her book and the lessons it taught me I wanted to guide you through three of my favorite lessons,
#1: The argument that people “chose” to be this way or the other is at its core an argument about difference and about our inability to understand and make peace with difference. The notion of choice is a convenient scapegoat for our bias and bigotries.
Taylor argues that we tend to be blindsided by the argument of someone else “choosing to be a certain way or the other.” This argument inherently puts the blame of our own bias on another person when we choose to believe that what they are is merely a choice. An example of this is blaming the LGBTQ+ for choosing to be the way they are. Their identity is not something they chose, it’s who they are and they cannot choose their way out of being who they are. It is easier to blame another person for “choosing” to be a certain way than turning inwards to oneself and ask, “Why do I need people to be the way I believe they should be?” The argument about choice is ultimately a projection of one’s own beliefs.
#2: Being young and particularly impressionable, we take cues from the external world about who we are and who we should be.
When growing up, we are constantly developing a sense of individuality and identity. Taylor argues that the earliest seeds of body shame might begin to take root during this time. Taylor quotes that a “Yahoo Health survey of 1,993 teen and adult respondents found that the average age of body-shame consciousness was between thirteen and fourteen.” She discusses some of her experiences in workshops on radical self-love and recounts experiences some of the participants have shared with her. All of their experiences were rooted in early messages that stuck with them as a result of experiences during their childhood. These messages shaped their sense of worth and value. Taylor makes an important point in distinguishing that girls are by no means the only ones receiving these detrimental messages. For example, a very common story that develops amongst boys is the experience around comments such as “crying is for sissies,” “Boys don’t cry” or “Man up!” Comments such as these reduce masculinity to a limited range of human expression that is ultimately needed for boys to fully develop a healthy sense of self-love and self-knowledge.
#3: Our experiences of body shame are layered upon and impacted by the intersections of our identities.
Taylor states that “the less ‘normal’ our identity, the more fraught the waters of body shame.” Differences have been historically used to conflate danger. We can understand this through a psychosocial dynamic mentioned in the book called, “in-group, out-group bias” which basically affirms that division of people into two different groups justifies disliking each other. Differences also conflate identity, since those from an outside group, or “out-group” as the experiment states, are seen as a threat to our resources. This is codified in many different settings such as political, economic, and social systems. Therefore, oppressive structures are founded on this organization. When a person is layered upon and impacted by different intersecting identities that are seen as outsiders, the more their identity feels like a danger and deserving of shame according to society.
In order to understand our place in the world, I believe it is important to understand where our notion of identity comes from and what we can do to understand others better. Empathizing is not only a choice, but a need in a world where we tend to be so distraught by our differences and disconnected from accepting that we are not meant to all be the same, and that is okay. Our bodies are not meant to please everybody; however, accepting that comes with unlearning and teaching others how to do so. Taylor does an incredible job at explaining and breaking down the intricacies that come with living in bodies that are considered “not normal” while at the same time educating others to understand those as well. If you’re looking for new ways to understand your identity and how to make sense of it. Or if you’re looking to understand others’ identities and play a more empathetic and caring role in society, I would highly recommend Taylor’s book. I hope you enjoyed this and happy reading!
