Mommy's Birthday Surprise
Mommy’s Birthday Surprise
Lights come up in a modern kitchen. There is a small table, set for four, with fresh flowers in
the center. RICHARD stands at the stove making scrambled eggs. Suddenly, four-year-old
JOHNNY sprints through the kitchen with a toy airplane.
JOHNNY
Woooooosh!!! Bam! Mommy’s birthday plane coming through! Birthday surprise plane coming through! Meow!
RICHARD
Son, come back here! No running in the house! And be quiet while your mother rests!
JOHNNY continues to run off stage left and RICHARD chases after him. A crash is heard.
RICHARD (cont’d from offstage)
Well Christ, Johnny! Are you okay? (JOHNNY begins to cry). It’s okay son, don’t cry. Be a man and stop that.
JOHNNY sniffles and stops crying.
JOHNNY
Sorry, daddy.
RICHARD
It’s alright. C’mon.
They enter the kitchen again and RICHARD runs to the stove.
RICHARD
Damnit! These eggs are burnt now. Do you see what happens when you run in the house, Johnny? Now go get your sister up while I try and fix these eggs.
JOHNNY nods and scampers upstairs. RICHARD spends a few minutes trying to save the last bits of eggs that aren’t burnt. He puts them on a plate on the table and pours coffee into a mug. JOHNNY returns, this time with his older sister, BEVERLY, in tow.
BEVERLY
Good morning, Papa.
RICHARD
There you are, Beverly! It was getting late. We’re trying to get set up for your mother’s birthday.
BEVERLY
I’m sorry.
RICHARD
Now, you got your mother a present, right?
BEVERLY
(Smiles proudly). Yes! Johnny and I found it and wrapped it and everything!
RICHARD
Good. Now, Beverly and I will go get your mother and, Johnny, you can grab the present.
RICHARD exits to go upstairs and BEVERLY follows. JOHNNY stays in the kitchen. From stage left, he drags in a large gift bag. The top is stapled shut. He leaves it next to the table and briefly walks away. He pauses then looks back at the bag. He slowly walks over to it.
JOHNNY (softly)
Hello? (He pokes the bag). Mommy’s birthday! Mommy’s birthday surprise! (He pauses).
Birthday surprise.
JOHNNY looks around quickly before dragging the bag back off stage. A large ripping sound is heard. JOHNNY giggles and skips back into the room, empty-handed. RICHARD and BEVERLY return with ELIZABETH.
ELIZABETH
Oh, Richard, sweetheart, this is all just too nice! And breakfast too? (She kisses him on the
cheek). Thank you.
RICHARD
Of course! Now, everyone let’s just sit down and have a nice calm breakfast, okay?
JOHNNY giggles loudly and they all look at him before sitting down. Just as they are about to eat, a crash is heard off stage.
ELIZABETH
What in God’s name was that?
RICHARD
Everyone stay here.
RICHARD stands up and begins walking slowly towards where the crash was heard. Before he can get there, a thud is heard, and then another crash. JOHNNY giggles and claps his hands.
ELIZABETH
Oh, Richard, do you think someone broke in?
RICHARD
What the - (Another loud crash. RICHARD walks offstage). Huh. There’s nothing here. The vase is broken and Johnny’s plane was knocked over but there’s no one else here.
ELIZABETH
Richard, what in the world do you mean there’s no one else there? How did it get knocked over then?
JOHNNY giggles again.
ELIZABETH
Johnny, stop that right now. This is no laughing matter.
BEVERLY
Wait, Johnny did you -
ELIZABETH
Be quiet, Beverly. Speak when you are spoken to, please. Richard, do you hear that?
RICHARD
Hear what?
BEVERLY (whispering)
Johnny! Did you-
ELIZABETH
Shhh, Beverly! Did you not understand when I told you to be quiet? Richard, darling, I think I hear something upstairs.
A loud crash is heard from upstairs. RICHARD runs back from stage left and exits stage
right. They hear his footsteps clomping up the stairs and walking around.
BEVERLY
Johnny, does Mother know about the surprise?
JOHNNY shakes his head, grinning.
BEVERLY (cont’d)
Ugh! Mommy, I know what’s making the noise!
ELIZABETH
Beverly, how in the world could you know what this is? You’re being a ridiculous little girl and letting your imagination run wild. Please try to stay calm, there could be an intruder in our house!
BEVERLY
No, listen to me! Johnny let the cat out of the bag!
ELIZABETH
Beverly, please. This is no time for silly idioms! Johnny hasn’t told me whatever your little
surprise is, so I don’t know whatever birthday secret you’ve all been talking about. This is really
not the time to worry about that though, even if he had told me!
BEVERLY
No, he seriously let -
ELIZABETH
Shhh. (Calling upstairs). Richard, do you see anything?
RICHARD
No, not yet. If there’s anyone up here, I have a gun! You are trespassing in a family home!
BEVERLY
Mommy, seriously, it’s just that Johnny let the ca-
ELIZABETH
Beverly, cut it out! I don’t care about my birthday surprise, okay? Johnny didn’t tell me anything and you are not being very ladylike right now.
JOHNNY
I let the cat out of the bag!
ELIZABETH
Johnny, stop with those idioms! I don’t -
Suddenly, RICHARD stomps down the stairs holding a wriggling gray cat. He is irate. He pauses in the doorway of the kitchen, glaring at the kids, before tossing the cat onto the counter. It wanders lazily across the counter and nibbles on the burnt scrambled eggs left in the pan.
RICHARD
Who let the cat out of the bag?
Everyone is silent for a moment.
ELIZABETH
Oh. (She pauses). That kind of cat and bag.
