The Stars in Our Lives

While the rest of his family was in the house, Nolan was out in the yard, watching the stars. He did this every night, closely examining the constellations with unyielding concentration. 

“Nolan, come inside before all this food your father cooked gets cold!” his mother cried to him from the front porch. 

“Give him a few more minutes.” his brother, Tyler, told her as he set up Nolan’s spot at the dining table. Once inside, Nolan sat down in his usual seat, next to his brother and in front of his mother. 

“Can you not put your notebook on the dining table, Nolan.” his mother requested. “We eat here.” 

 “It is not a notebook.” Nolan responded. “It is my journal.”

“What do you even write in that thing?” his father half-heartedly asked while placing a napkin on his lap. 

“My research on the planets, moons, and galaxies. And of course, my observations about the stars.” 

“Oh, well of course! I’m glad you’re putting those hours in the yard to good use.” his mother responded sarcastically. 

Nolan brought his journal everywhere- to school, doctor appointments, the planetarium. His journal was a part of him, and Tyler knew that more than anyone. Tyler would see Nolan writing in the halls at school, during lunch in the cafeteria, and on the car rides home. Nolan has only been writing in this journal for the past year, but his fascination with the universe started far earlier. Ever since he was 4 years old, he and Tyler would sit out in the yard and watch the stars. 

This engendered a love of space. 

Although Tyler eventually stopped watching the stars every night, Nolan’s passion never slowed down. He still dresses up as an astronaut every year for Halloween in spite of his parents’ unwarranted embarrassment that their 12-year-old son mirrors his behavior from when he was 4 years old.

Nolan loves space for many reasons: its endless possibilities in discovering new phenomena and theories, along with its ability to encapsulate billions of stars within billions of galaxies. He also loves space for less complex reasons, like its peacefulness. Its silence. 

Once he arrived home from school, Nolan swiftly dropped his bag on the kitchen counter and speedily raced up the stairs, skipping steps at a time, and ran hastily in his room to finish his outer space model. Nolan can describe every part of his complex model in excessive detail, explaining every formation, development, and pattern. 

“I wish I had this model when I was in 7th grade. Science class would have been a whole lot easier.” Tyler told Nolan as he casually laid down on his bed. 

“This is not for school. But if you need a different model for your science class then I could make another one.” Nolan offered while fixing the bottom of his space replica. 

“I don’t think I’m going to need one any time soon, little bro. Besides, the only thing I really need is to get into college already. My grades suffered sophomore year, but I worked super hard last year to pick them up, and if I do well on my SAT tomorrow hopefully it's enough to get into my first-choice school. Because if I don’t it could affect my chances at landing a job right out of college, which can affect my-” 

“'Ok I understand.” Nolan interrupted, “So do you mind giving me a little privacy to finish my model?” 

“Sure, Nolan.” Tyler responded as he idly rolled off Nolan’s bed. “I’ll see you at dinner.” 

“Tyler!” his mother yelled from the front door. “Evan is here!”

Having been friends with Tyler since their freshman year of high school, it’s customary for Evan to stop by Tyler’s house unannounced. Evan is, in many ways, a part of their family- they even call the extra bedroom on the second floor “Evan’s room” considering how many times he has slept there.

“Ev, I need your help.” Tyler said as he briskly made his way down the stairs.

“Ty, I’m here to help.” Evan responded while walking to the kitchen to find any left over food.

“Are you worried about college?” Tyler asked. 

“Hell yeah, I’m worried about college!” Evan said while opening up a container full of chicken from the night before.

“I am too! What if my application doesn’t stand out enough? I mean, I played almost every sport our school offered, I joined that stupid debate club, and I picked up my GPA to almost a 4.0. All that’s left is the SAT, and even if I do well on that it still might not be enough.” 

“I feel you, man. Just try to kill that SAT tomorrow and you should be fine!” Evan said while fixing up a plate of food that’d make you believe he hadn’t eaten in weeks.

“I know. It’s all about tomorrow.” Tyler said. “But I wish I wasn’t so busy with all this college stuff. I’ve barely had any time to spend with Nolan.”

“Nolan doesn't spend time with anyone,” Evan responded. “All he does is play with his weird space stuff.”

“Hey, it’s not weird. Nolan is really interested in outer space. I used to go with him all the time to the planetarium and science exhibits. But when I started to get busy with school and sports… I don’t know. I guess I couldn’t find the time.”

“Whatever, Ty. Either way, he is definitely way too into that stuff. Kinda strange, if you ask me. Even your parents notice it, and you see how they feel about his obsession. I mean, do you see him at school, just sitting by himself with his journal all day, not talking to anyone? What does he even write in that thing? Do you ever check? 

“No, I don’t check, and I really don’t appreciate you judging my little brother like that!” Tyler retorted.

“I’m not judging him!” Evan responded. “I just think it’s odd, is all.”

“Look, Evan, I think you should leave.” Tyler impatiently suggested. “Besides, I need to study for tomorrow.” 

The next morning, Tyler tensely paced back and forth in his room, anxiously awaiting the alarm clock to hit 6:00 am so he can have an excuse to start getting ready to leave for the exam. His hands were shaking with unease, and his heart was so vigorously beating out of his chest that he could grab it with one hand. He decided his room’s small confinements were too much for his nerves to handle, so he left to get some water from the kitchen. 

As he made his way through the hallway, he saw Nolan’s journal from the corner of his eye, sitting on Nolan’s nightstand. The second he saw it, Evan’s words from the day before started to echo in his head, and Tyler felt himself gradually move closer to the journal. He quietly tiptoed through Nolan’s room like a robber in a bank’s vault. When he got to the journal, Tyler softly turned the first page to find drawings, diagrams, and observations so spectacular you would believe its straight from NASA. Page after page of mind-blowing work, but one thing caught Tyler’s eye more than anything else. At the end of one illustration of how small humans are compared to the rest of our universe, Nolan wrote:

Our observable universe is 98 billion light-years in diameter. Humans are one small, microscopic piece to this gigantic puzzle known as our cosmos. This idea is similar to our lives on earth. Often times, I notice people worry about things that are microscopic compared to their lives as a whole. These things are still an important part of life, just as humans are an important part of our universe. However, we often scale these things to appear larger than they actually are, which in turn causes us to overlook the other beauty in our personal universe- like the planets, moons, and stars in our lives.

Tyler let out a quiet “Wow” as if he were enlightened by Socrates himself. After reading this, he gently placed the journal back to its proper home on Nolan’s nightstand, and with mouse-like quietude tiptoed out of the room.

The house seemed extra empty when Tyler returned home from the exam.

“How’d the big test go, Tyler? His mother asked while routinely cleaning the table for dinner. “And why are you home so late? Wasn’t the test in the morning?”

“I went to Evan’s house after the exam. The test was fine, I know a got a few wrong in the reading section, and the math was harder than I expected.” Tyler said as he poured himself a glass of water. “But I’m not worried about it. Whatever happens happens for a reason. And besides, there’s no point in stressing over something as silly as one test. There are so many things in my life that are more important than what score I get or what college I go to.”

“Wow, look at my smart young man! Who taught you how to be so wise?” his mother wondered.

“I don’t know, I guess I just read a lot.” Tyler said with a gleeful smile. “Have you seen Nolan? I couldn’t find him in the yard.”

 “He should be out there.” she said with an apathetic tone. “You probably just missed him because it gets so dark outside at night.”

Tyler raced back out to the yard so he can find Nolan, and sure enough, there he was, calmly sitting with his journal in one hand and his pen in the other. Tyler approached Nolan with controlled excitement, not wanting to disrupt his serenity. When he got to Nolan, the two of them peacefully sat in the yard, without saying a word. Watching the stars.

“I remember when we used to sit here all night.” Tyler said, eyes wide open, observing above.

Nolan’s curious eyes were trapped by the stars’ spell, unable to look away. “I remember.” Nolan responded. “But then you stopped, which I understand.” 

Tyler looked away from the infinite sky and to his younger brother. “I’m going to miss you when I go to college, Nolan. I’m going to miss you a lot.” Tyler said, holding back years of tears he didn’t know were there. “I’m sorry I didn’t spend more time with you this past year, and frankly these past four years. Just… just know I love you.”

“I know.” Nolan responded while still looking enthralled by the sight above. “And hey, if you ever get lonely in college or miss me, just look at the stars. I’ll be looking at them, too. They won’t ever leave. They stay forever.”